It was a mostly tame 2019 Wifflepalooza Media Day, as comment was available from only 5 teams. The smack talk was kept to a minimum, with most of the attention turned to each team’s individual expectations. Here are some quotes from team members, as well as expert outlooks for each squad for Saturday’s tournament.
We’ll start with the Goon Squad. Assistant Captain Jeff Ronchetti offered comment for his team. When asked how he felt about the Goons chances this year, his reply was simple. “I feel great about our chances”. The next question offered a bit of insight into the Goons offseason program. When asked what adjustments the team made since last tournament, Ronchetti said “We’ve utilized a lot of new training methods in our team facilities, as well as new complex analytics to determine where we needed to improve. We really feel like we’ve fully executed what we had to do. We’ve added hitting coaches to help improve our ‘black hole’ batting averages, hoping to bring up the team average from .250 last year (.110 if you take out both Ronchetti’s). We have also had Jiminez working with unnamed team nutritionists and feel like we really have him in a place to win the triple crown. Also, through those same complex analytics we determined that if we can keep our blood alcohol concentration down under .36 leading into the back half of the day, we can put ourselves in a great position to make a title run.”
We’ll be up front and honest about this team. We have no idea what we’re going to get. Their most dangerous player at this point is Johnny Malatesta. He can pitch, he can hit, he can do it all. There has been a lot of smoke around the idea that the Goons have been using performance enhancers this offseason as part of their tournament preparation. However, no positive tests have been uncovered at this point. If they aren’t too blacked out, they’ll be good enough to at least make the playoffs. The Goons continue to chase their first title ever.
Our next comments come from the new guys. The Wifflebots sent team captain Tim Merighi to the podium today and, when asked about his expectations with a new franchise, Merighi said “We expect a fair chance at a deep playoff run in our debut year at Palooza. Our scouting and development staff did a great job to get us to this point, as our athletic abilities run deep in our numerous D1 athletes. This team is to be feared.” Their experience is almost non-existent, but don’t sleep on this team. I don’t know if they should be “feared”, but they should most certainly be respected. Their athletic talent can’t be ignored. They’re young, talented and confident. What’s not to like?
The Mandingos were next to the podium, and the kept things short and sweet. When asked about the Mandingos ability to field a competitive team for WP13, team owner and Captain Dustin Graiff offered up simply, “Vete a la mierda”… We could go into further analysis about the Dingos, but as of the writing of this article, we have no idea who will even be on the squad. Stay tuned for updates about that as they come along.
Next to the podium came the Flapacs, who are often long on words and short on substance or content. Rarely do they talk smack, rarely do they offer insight into the workings of their program. Today however did offer some substance. Flapacs ace Ryan Ricci offered comment, when asked what adjustments the Flapacs have made to combat their issue of having a second reliable pitcher? Ricci said “I think a lot of teams find it hard to have 2 consistent pitchers, but it always seems to be an issue for us yes. Sometimes even to find one guy. But last year I think we made steps in the right direction to correct that issue, and this year we have brought in three new guys in Paul (Nyitray), Mike (Sheridan) and Jeremy (Wright) that can all definitely give us a boost when it comes to that. As for measuring up with everyone else, I would just say that we will be definitely looking to make a deep run this year. We have a ton of experience that some of these other teams don’t, and we have a ton of talent to go along with that, so I think we have a real shot once again this year.”
Team owner and captain Jake Lambert was up next, and when asked about the new tournament format (7 teams, 2 fields) and how it affects the Flapacs strategy, Lambert offered this; “The flow of the tournament may be slightly affected however we will see positives come from it such as more accurate scoring and officiating. To answer your second question, It doesn’t hurt our team planning because our mentality is to win. Once you start worrying about things outside of the field of play, you’ve already lost.” Totally unrelated to any question that was asked and seemingly a little unhinged, former Flapacs captain Matt Bocchese came thundering in with “Obama doesn’t care about kids with cancer. Just want to make sure we don’t forget that.” Aside from the last comment, the Flapacs seem to be putting out a confident front, but some of the same questions remain. The Flapacs took the defending champs to extra innings in the playoffs last year. They were just one run away from getting back to the title game. Then it all came crashing down. Now, they’re another year older and another year further removed from their last title. The Flapacs are only 8-8 over the last four tournaments, and while they’ve been the victims of some terrible luck during that stretch, the solutions to their problems have been temporary or lack-luster at best. The influx in talent will help. Sheridan and Nyitray are elite level players, but the rest of the league has officially caught up with the Flapacs. It’ll be interesting to see how they respond on Saturday.
Last to the podium during the open press session was Bert Brigade owner, captain and general manager Jake Hatki. When asked about his team and how they are planning to bounce back from last year’s heartbreaker, Hatki said “We’re holding our heads high after last year’s fence debacle. Sh*t happens, but numbers don’t lie. Sawyer (Brown) is prepared to break his previous Home Run record (he doesn’t hold that record) and not another fence… and our ace Tony (Donato) is itching to dice up the competition again. This year we’re taking home what’s ours – the trident.” These guys seem ready. They have kept their new talent and their plans very close to the vest since last August, and knowing their work ethic and ability to prepare, the conventional thought is that they are certainly one of the two biggest favorites. They have almost no weaknesses and returning the main core who had them one piece of fence away from a title last year, gives them a legitimate shot of not only winning, but possibly becoming the first ever undefeated team in tournament history.
The Goodfellas and Smash Bros offered nothing of substance on this day. We’ve talked before at length about the G’Fellas and their set up. Two-time defending champions, returning their entire team, they’re the prohibitive favorites for this year’s tournament yet again. As far as the Smash Bros, they return most of the same squad that went winless in last year’s tournament. They have a number of holes and issues, but if they can find some consistent pitching they’ll give themselves a puncher’s chance.
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