VINELAND - Today, Media members, content creators, social media addicts, incels and furries alike, gathered inside the Cumberland Mall for the 2026 Wifflepalooza Media Day. This annual tradition gives folks from a wide variety of professions a chance to speak with and interact with players from all six teams. Here below are today's most memorable quotes.
Al Etter, Commissioner
"We've reached an incredible milestone here. 20 tournaments, I know it's been said before but I never would've believed you if you told me that we'd get here some day. To go from something we contrived in a high school classroom with a handful of classmates, to almost 20 years later having had around 240 different players, 23 different teams and crowned 8 different champions, it's something that you can't even call a dream come true. It's been a privilege beyond my own imagination. I have enjoyed being the main organizer for this so much and even though there have been some trying times, getting through them to the other side here with you all has been incredible. To see the enthusiasm people still have for this, two decades later, as they have their own families and lives, some far away from here, is truly humbling. I am so grateful for you all. Here's to the next 20 years"
Jake Lambert, Deputy Commissioner / Chariman & Captain, Flapacamingos
“Regarding Saturday, to quote the preeminent alcoholic and rapist Joe Namath, ‘I guarantee it’”
Jeff Ronchetti, Captain/Co-Owner, Goondingos
"Twenty tournaments. That's not luck…that's legacy. A lot of guys show up for a weekend. We built our lives around this one. The older you get, the more you realize opportunities like this don't come around forever. That's why we approached this offseason differently.
After last year's team humiliation, 1pac took it especially hard. He locked himself in his basement for the remainder of August to better understand the sound of a whisper. When he re-emerged in September, he called the owners and held out on signing his new deal until he was guaranteed a larger role in the organization and complete control of offseason preparations. Against their better judgment, they agreed. His first order of business was canceling traditional practice entirely. He looked the team in the eye and said, "Baseball IQ is overrated if your spiritual launch angle isn't right." Nobody really knew what that meant. Nobody was brave enough to ask.
He spent most of September and October reviewing tape of every team in the tournament, sources tell us he watched every game twice, and then once in reverse, insisting “history leaves fingerprints”. November was spent consulting with hitting consigliere Marky Smalls, who at one point “disappeared for two weeks” into what he only described as “the lab”. He returned with a legal pad containing 147 pages of handwritten notes and a single conclusion: "The ball wants to be hit. You just have to convince it”. Again, no one was sure what this meant, but no one asked. Under the advice and supervision of Marky Smalls, every morning 1pac stood in the batter's box while Mark threw insults at him from behind a pitching screen. According to 1pac, "If your confidence survives that, a curveball can't hurt you”. He didn’t stop here. He didn’t take any batting practice this winter. Instead, he took pitches in VR while Mark read negative comments about him through headphones to “build mental toughness”. When he was finally ready to touch a bat in early May, he spent the next two months hitting wiffleballs off a ceiling fan, stating, “If you can barrel a ball that changes direction three times, a curveball looks like a beach ball".
1pac's intense offseason training regimen wasn’t just about hitting and mindset; however, it was a total overhaul of his game. Every morning started with a 5 mile run. Every night ended with watching his own highlights on mute so he could study his body language. He also informed us that he has refused to look into a mirror since January. He said, “I don’t need to see greatness every day; it makes you complacent”. He spent the final 4 months of the offseason breathing through only his left nostril, proclaiming it was something about balancing his swing plane, he just unplugged his right nostril yesterday and said he’s in a state of “zen” less than a week out from the tournament. Around the time he plugged his nostril, he was finally ready to talk to the rest of the team. He instructed Hutch to spend six consecutive Sundays standing perfectly still in center field. By the fifth Sunday, Hutch finally broke the silence and asked what exactly they were accomplishing. 1pac never took his eyes off the horizon. "Building a relationship with the wind." Hutch nodded. Nobody asked another question.
For three weeks, sunglasses became mandatory, even indoors. Nobody was exempt. Team meetings, grocery stores, restaurants, church. 1pac insisted, "If July pressure feels bright, August pressure won't blind you." We still don't know what that means. He then made everyone take 10,000 practice swings— not one of them with a bat. According to 1pac, the bat was just a distraction. P Money was ordered to wear his cleats everywhere. Grocery store. Gas station. Family parties. When someone pointed out the metal spikes were ruining hardwood floors, 1pac simply replied, "So does losing”. At some point during July, 1pac became convinced the championship game could coincide with a partial solar eclipse this year. So after renting industrial floodlights, he cranked them up and made Jeff, Dustin & Vigs take BP for a full week wearing eclipse glasses. His ridiculous training didn’t stop there. He spent all of our summer sessions preparing us for situations that probably will never happen because “that’s the difference between contenders and the people who lose to us”.
He attempted to catch a wild goose to prepare us for his “wildlife contingency plans”, where the bases are loaded, we’re down 2 runs, and a goose lands in left field. Unfortunately, the mission nearly ended in disaster. During his first attempt, 1pac was attacked by three geese and nearly suffered a setback to his recently reconstructed knee. Doctors advised him to stop. He refused. Eventually, after realizing the risk-reward wasn’t there, he pivoted to smaller targets and is still searching for a marsupial or rodent willing to participate in the drill before Saturday. He also installed a section in our playbook labeled "ETTER EMERGENCY." Nobody knew what it meant until he explained it was our contingency plan in case Commissioner Etter had to enter the game due to an unprecedented roster crisis. "Championships are won by the prepared," he reminded us. We told him that Etter would never be allowed to enter the game for us due to the current rules, but he insisted it was a possibility.
As for Gumbo Martini, we appreciate everything he did for this organization. Unfortunately, not everybody is built for championship culture. Officially, he retired due to "other commitments." Unofficially, he quit after learning our July training schedule included eclipse simulations, wildlife contingency drills, and mandatory indoor sunglasses. We respect his decision. Greatness isn't for everybody.
The tournament begins Saturday; we know we’re ready, whether the rest of the league is prepared is a different story."
Pat Ney, Manager, Flapacamingos
"20 tournaments in, and half of our lives, I’m amazed there hasn’t been a murder yet. We’ve been down before, and I’m sure we’ll be down again, but we always go down swinging. Either we win it all and go down in history, or we get ready to meet Jesus ten toes up.
In less than a few days, players from here will join others from around the world. And we will be launching the largest Wiffleball Tournament in this history of mankind. Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps its fate that today is the 8th of August, and we will once again be fighting for our championship, not for fame or prestige-- but for our Trident. We're fighting for our right to play for the Title of Titles. And should we win the day, the 8th of August will no longer be a random day, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today, we celebrate Wifflepalooza 20! #BucceesBomaye #PNDFOS"
Tim Durante, Owner/Captain, PA Pork Missiles
"We are honored to be invited back to this years tournament. Last year we fell short although made a solid push and playoff appearance while missing key pieces such as former 2x all star Brandon McCullough, Hit king Jody Durante and Ace Dan Volpe. This year we expect to make more noise not just figuratively but also literally. Let’s face it we lost off of walks what a weak way to go out. We understand that’s part of the game but to surpass 100 career walks is an embarrassment the mental attitude we bring each year. We will be brining pillows this year so we can sleep through that snooze fest. Get ready Rocco we’re talking to you!
We are bringing back ace Dan Volpe who is primed for comeback player of the year. We will miss his brother Tom Volpe in the field and other pieces such as Jody Durante, James Obrien and Kevin Glynn who were key pieces to our championship run in 2022. We are looking to have fun, enjoy some brews and kick some ass. Our favorite opponent are the Goondingos as we expect another swing off this year as we had the infamous (No walk game) last year. We’re coming with heat and attitude. Oil up the trident Al, we’re coming for it"
Additionally, Tim offered up some of the Porkers favorite Palooza memories.
"Jody hitting a home run in the championship to take the lead and be the difference in the 1-0 game for us to bring it home, telling the temp agency team to get their own food when they ask for our pork missiles hot off the grill, Ball bags photo with the goondingos, and, although it hurt us, we gave hell to Rocco last year about his walks and no swings. He swung and sent us home. Sucked for us, but pretty sick ending to a battle of a game"
Rocco Lombardo, Managing Partner/Captain, Goodfellas
"When I look back at this grand spectacle, I feel humble. Little did I know back in 2009 as I rode my bike to Jake's house, that we'd still be doing this 17 years later. I've captained several ridiculous teams, been on a 1 year deal with the Flapacs and have found my forever home leading the Goodfellas.
I remember digging the dirt to make the first pitching mound, having a strike zone made out of milk cartons, the iconic picture of Joey D breaking the fence and doing donuts in the field on Jake's ATV in between games. The Goodfellas and I are incredibly grateful for the hospitality the Lambert family has provided us for these past 17 years, thank you. In no way does Mrs. Lambert deserve the shit show that takes place in her backyard, but she embraces it. So 20 tournaments huh, wow. Fun fact, newly inducted Wifflepalooza GOAT Brian Stanzione and I have won 6 titles together. 32% of the time that trophy has been lifted by us two and we're looking to make it 7 this year.
It seems like ever since the Goodfellas 2nd title victory that we've had a target on our back. We've had a few iterations of this team and we thank every member who's come along for the ride over the years. I look at this roster and the legends assembled, give me a break. Justin and Billy can homer from the street if they wanted. Jeff always comes up clutch in a tight spot at the plate. Ted is the anchor on the mound providing hope to keep us going. Lope is the example of a Goodfella and certainly was robbed of ROY. Brian should have his jersey hung from the pole for eternity with records to never be broken.
As for me? I swing when I wanna swing cocksucka. This year is no different, teams will harass us because we know how to win and that's fine. There's no better team to lift the trophy for this 20th occasion than The Goodfellas. What's right is right."
Taylor Cheli, Owner/Operator, Bert Brigade
"We’re excited to be a part of the 20th Wifflepalooza! It’s awesome to see how much this event has grown over the the years. As for this season, we like our chances a lot. We’ve got a solid group with a small chance of Tony being able to make an appearance. We just gotta hit, and if we play our game, we’ll bring home the trident."
Allen Cruz, Owner/Captain, Ironballs
"Let me start off by saying what an epic tournament we get to compete in every summer. Nothing we look forward to more than grilling burgers and glizzy goblins whilst hitting a shit ton of dingers. We've come up short past few years but much of the same squad if not all are back and we're not going away any time soon. Back to back years we're being put to the test against the best of the best. These games will have a playoff atmosphere no doubt but we live for the challenge and welcome it gladly. The table may very well come down to run differential and H2H but why not us? 2-2, scratching and clawing but into the playoffs yet again, book it danno."
